What is the proper etiquette for adoption mothers?

Ok, my friends sister gave two of her kids up for adoption 6 years ago. She wouldn't stop doing drugs and going to jail, and she also wouldn't stop getting pregnant. She had about 3 miscarriages. So she gave them up. The whole thing already bothers me and it's a sunject I like to avoid. But everytime I see her or everytime she posts something on facebook, she always says, My kids! Aren't they cute? Or Happy Mothers day to me! And she gets presents for mothers day and it's like she really thinks she's a mother. If I were the family that adopted the children. I'd be a little irked. Of course, I'd never say anything, but it did get me wondering what the proper manners were for that situation. Any ideas??What is the proper etiquette for adoption mothers?
She had the children, so she is a mother regardless and I understand if she gets update pictures to post comments about her kids or people telling her happy mothers day but gifts for it are a bit extreme.
Well, she IS a mother. She bore children. She is their mother. No court order, no paper, no money, no time, nothing can change that. Respect her grief and help her get psychological help instead of criticising her!What is the proper etiquette for adoption mothers?
She is obviously proud of her children, regardless of if she is raising them or not. There is NOTHING wrong with that. A mother is a mother is a mother. She is a mother, and her being one does not take away from the adoptive parents, or adoptive mother.

My natural mother was showing her entire family pictures of me when we reconnected. She was truly happy that I turned out alright, etc. Even though she didn't raise me, she did help CREATE me. Give your friends sister some slack and let her be proud of her kids (which she did create).

I'm an adoptee who recently connected with my brother who was adopted into another family. When we reconnected, I found out I have a 4 year old niece. Had I been in her life before now? No. Am I proud of her and ready to gush about every little thing she does? Hell yes! I love that kid and if anyone told me something like "well you weren't even an aunt to her blah blah" I'd tell them I am her aunt, F off.
She may no longer be a mother legally but she is still a mother. She needs help to deal with what's happened even if it someone to talk to.What is the proper etiquette for adoption mothers?
well they are her children. if the adoptive parents allow her contact with them, which is good, then that is their choice and its not really any of your business. its up to them to ask her to tone it down a bit. she IS a mother, just because she gave them up. I don't know if you have children but that bio bond is hard to just switch off. it sounds like it is hurting her a bit actually and she is covering that up with some bravado. leave the woman to deal with it in a way that helps her to cope.
It sounds to me as if she has some unresolved issues regarding the adoption and the reasons why she gave them up (ie her drug addiction). The next time she writes, Happy Mother's Day to herself, just wish her Happy Mother's Day in the comment section or like it.



I think compassion more than manners is what is important. No addict wants to lose his or her children but addiction is an insidious disorder. Really, in the whole scheme of things, who is she hurting. The only person that could be hurt by all this is her. She is the one who needs to come to terms with her addiction and with the adoptions. Instead of being irked by all this, try to help her and try to validate her positive feelings.



And remember, There but by the Grace of God go I.
She is their mother. So is the mother who adopted her. It sounds like she has ongoing contact and that is a good thing. I'm not sure why this bothers you so much, as a disinterested third party. Kids can love more than one set of parents.
She definitely shouldnt be boasting around acting like the parent. Thats like belittling the real parents who actually provide love %26amp; support!!!

She should adresss them by first name, not as her 'kids'
She gave up her children. She should not be contacting them unless it is an open adoption, but to be honest it seems like her involvement will end up being detrimental to their well being. What it sounds like from your description is that she wanted kids for all the good parts, but she doesn't want to go through all the difficult stuff with them. The adoptive parents can request that she stop being in the children's lives very easily. Restraining orders can be put in place, etc. The fact of the matter is that your friend needs to accept the situation and move on; if she sees this as a mistake on her part she needs to learn from it. Maybe she still has a chance a few years down the road to start a functional family. But for now while she's on the drugs and in jail constantly she's just being a selfish **** (pardon my language) and doesn't realize the negative impact she's having and going to have on "her chlidren".
Are you asking what the proper etiquette is for you or are you asking if her actions are correct? I think that you already know that your sister's actions are incorrect, but it is not your place to confront her about it. Hopefully the adoptive parents and the adopted children are not looking at your sister's facebook page, and if that is the case, she is not hurting anybody with her disillusion. If the family is looking at her facebook page, I'm sure they will confront her about her postings if they take issue with her comments. Your sister is immature and is probably hanging out with people who consider her a great mom because her friends are probably just as bad a she is. Do yourself a favor and unsubscribe to your sister's news updates so you won't have to see them.
Addiction is a terrible disease %26amp; you should be proud that your friend's sister placed--not 'gave up'--the children. The mother knew what needed to be done %26amp; did it even while Haters out there were looking down on her.

Placing a child is a very tough %26amp; emotional process.

I don't necessarily think she has unresolved issues with the adoption, in fact I think she may be proud of what she did.

I think no matter what the issue is, a normal, natural mother will always feel a bond with her children. That's natural %26amp; healthy.

I think you should wish her a Happy Birthmother's Day--that's the day before Mother's Day--every year to validate her feelings of parentage.