I think I'm wasting it...?

...my life that is. I'm in the military, I've been active duty for the last 16 yrs of my life. I've seen quite a bit of the world, I've gotten to experience some of the best things (in my opinion) in this life, good foods, beautiful and scary environments, the sincere love of a good woman....sadly enough, I never settled and never did find the 'one for me'. No children...



I'm 35 now; in approx. less than 3 months it will mark the 5 yr anniversary of a day that now a days is called my 'alive day'. I was deployed overseas, 5 yrs ago, when I suffered a gunshot wound to the belly, it went through me out the back. We were conducting patrols in Fallujah, Iraq....we were engaged, I went down first....then a second man and the last man was KIA. What followed next was 6 of the hardest months of my life. If there ever was a test for me, that was it. It'll be hard to describe the downs and the long road to recovery but, I made it.



So, in the aftermath, after you are able to get control of your newly healed body and jogging 1/2 mile is not hard anymore you get this sense of elation, life is just so damn good!...it lasts for a while. 'Not sweating the small stuff' is practically the way you live your life now.



...that was 5 yrs ago. Now, I sit here...in my new house, by myself...thinking about getting a dog to keep me company, my 'girlfriend' is far away...and I'm thinking about letting her go....too many issues and the wrong history between us. The worst thing is why I'm writing this now....I know that I may never truly know as to why I was given a second chance at life, it is the damnest thing now and I think that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.



So....I feel like I'm wasting it. What? studies? School?...help people? ....I've tons of medical education, I've been helping people for yrs. A family?...



I have no clue.I think I'm wasting it...?
The fact that you're struggling with your life is a good thing. Most of the people live their life without even thinking about it. The only advise I feel to give you is to go out, to explore the world. You may have been to several different places but you certainly miss out a lot of amazing places too.

We only got a limited amount of time.Shame, fear, bad behaviors make no sense at all since we're going to die anyway. If you got the money and even if you don't, catch the first plane you can and go somewhere.See other people, live in a different environment. You got another possibility, do not waste it.I think I'm wasting it...?
You are. Head to Costa Rica and pick up a straw fedora. Continue on to Vegas and Monte Carlo.I think I'm wasting it...?
There is no"supposed to be doing. The army was so structured you are sitting and waiting for orders. There are none. Life? The best of us make it up as we go along. You had a whole life in the service. You served a cause even if it was not a well-thought out one. Now you are free to do anything you wnt with the next piece of your life. You do not have to do something permanent. I have had four distinct careers and even though some would consider me retired because I collect SS, I still have a few interesting things going on.



I do not have to say yes sir, no sir to anyone now. Working for the man was yesterday, not today or tomorrow. If you have a house and a pension, you have a small safety net which will allow you to explore what is out there, including the other 3.499999999999999 billion women who you haven't met yet. So this one is wrong. There are a lot out there who didn't grow up in her skin or drink at her bar who may be a better partner for you. The fun isn't in the destination, it is in the journey.



Best of luck. You are not a soldier anymore. You are a free man with a small contribution from Uncle Sam to GI Joe to return you with a sense of beginning, not completion.